David Hanson, the chief executive of the Independent Association of Prep Schools (IAPS), said that the parents were damaging the future of their children by putting excessive pressure on them to succeed and live 'vicariously' through their achievements.
He said the young suffer unrealistic expectations to do well in their hobbies as well as in academic work, as parents invest in expensive coaching to help improve their performance. Citing an example, he said at one sailing event a parent brought a professional trainer, and a camera operator to give the child a professional debrief on how to be the best, he said. Hanson said that by doing so the parents were knocking the joy out of the kids. “We need to find the balance between enjoying the game and wanting to win so that when you do fail, you fail with grace and you pick yourselves up and do it again.” He also criticised the parents who pushed children through “corrosive tutoring.”
He said that the children would be getting good education at the school and they need not push them through hours and hours of tutoring. He said parents were spending a lot of money on children so that their wards pass selective examinations. The child then get into highly demanding school and they are miserable because they have just been pushed to a point which will mean that secondary school will not be a happy experience.
He made the comments ahead of his organisations annual conference, where hundreds of headteachers would be discussing how to better look after children's well-being. “One can understand why parents are anxious about their children. It is very hard for them to be even-handed and balanced,” Hanson said. But sometimes parents put cotton wool around children to protect them from everything, including physical risks and mental challenges. There is a fear of failure but we actually want children to climb trees, fall out and scratch their knees. We want them to struggle with mental challenges and learn when they don't achieve what they were hoping for.
