I was recently privileged and blessed to perform the kanya dan of my daughter. I joined amongst many fathers who have had the fortune of being part of this unique experience.
Kanya dan literally means giving away the hand of your daughter to a young man she has chosen to spend the rest of her life with. The actual time of giving our daughter’s hand is a moment of extreme emotions that only those fathers who experienced it will remember. It is a sad feeling that the daughter that you have made big efforts to bring up, educate and support is now going to leave your home, her home, and move on.
Someone once said, during kanya dan, you see tears in the eyes of the father and it is the one time, this scene looks very respectable. The fathers are allowed to shed a tear or two at the time of kanya dan!
The other emotion is of course the feeling of happiness that your daughter has found a soulmate and is going to start her own family. Kanya dan is called the biggest dan. Rightly so. Just compare this to an asset or building that you have invested in, nurtured, developed and made valuable. Would you ever think of just giving it away?
This is the time when the daughter should clear the space in her heart occupied by her father and give this to her new husband. But the father will continue to keep that special corner for his daughter in his heart.
It is very commendable and sometimes unbelievable that we have such customs where you bring up someone to their mature age and then they simply leave the family nest.
The impact on the daughter is even harder. It is a massive revolution. Having got so accustomed to living with the parents and at many times getting away with what she wants with her dad for 25/30 years, she makes a complete new beginning. She has to turn her back on all that and look forward to a new life. Her husband’s family culture and philosophy would be different when she becomes the person responsible for making a home. These are not easy changes to make in life. Yet these young ladies manage to deal with all such challenges in their stride. They simply adjust to the new life and get on with it. I have to say, easily said than done!
I cannot imagine how man would be able to cope with such major changes if it happened to them! I have to say, my hats off to all those remarkable daughters who are so adoptable and who can continue to spread their love with their husbands and dads. When I think about this my heart just glows!
