Speaking to Asian Voice, Jeremy narrated his ordeal against sexual abuse, “The memories of what happened came back when I was 25 years old. Up until then, I'd never completely forgotten about it. There would be triggers along the way, something come up on the news that would remind me of it, something come up in conversation that would remind me of it. When these memories came, I didn't know what to do with them. I tried my hardest to ignore them. But over the next two years, they just got worse and worse. So I decided that I would tell someone for the first time. And the first person that I told was my best friend. And he gave me the perfect response. He supported me.”
Jeremy’s friend let him know that he would support him in any move he needed to make from that point on, whether it involved telling someone again or discussing it further. Speaking up for the first time made him feel immensely relieved, lifting a weight off his shoulders and giving him confidence. This journey of increasing confidence ultimately led him to attempt to prosecute the man who wronged him by calling the police and reporting the crime.
Supportive parents
Jeremy’s parents also supported him once he revealed his ordeal to them. He said, “I needed to tell my family because they needed to give statements to the police. Now initially, I never wanted my family to find out what happened. There would be no good to come from that because they're all only going to blame themselves for not noticing what happened for not spotting any signs and feeling some responsibility that this was their fault. The person that did this to me was a family friend. So he was trusted by the adults around me.
“I never really thought seriously about the level of taboo that this carries in South Asian communities. Because I was very determined to continue the prosecution. So talking to my family, and knowing that this hold such a taboo in our community wasn't a concern for me at that time. And because I told them, after I had reported it to the police, everybody kind of had no choice but to give statements. And I feel very fortunate that I believe, even if I hadn't told the police, all of my family would have supported me through that anyway.
All of my friends are English and come from an English culture. So they didn't hold that taboo when I told them, they were only supportive. And those friends that I told I had known for 20 years by the time I taught when I told them, so we were like brothers.”
Running support groups
Today, Jeremy runs a support group named ‘Something to Say’. Sharing his aim behind starting the group, he said, “One of my aims with this work is inspiration. Certain empowerment and information, because I believe one of the big reasons why people are afraid of this topic. They are negative about this topic when responding to somebody who disclosed it because they don't understand the seriousness of it, they don't understand the effects of it on somebody. And so that's one of the big purposes of my work. And I am continually getting messages from people saying that I have given them another way of looking at what happened to them. Because all they are reading is negativity, sadness, and depression around this topic. But I want to be, I want to show that there is a way through this.
“You can still be successful in your life, you can still have great friendships, you can still build great families, and you can still have great relationships, this doesn't have to be the end
of your evolution and success.”
Educating children
He further spoke about educating children about sexual abuse. Jeremy told the newsweekly, “But when I go into the schools and speak to the students, which I think is very important, their eyes light up when I tell them, Okay, so I went through all this horrific stuff when I was eight years old, sexual abuse that lasted two years by another man, but I still made good of myself. And they love that story. Because people love to be encouraged off the back of something horrific that happened to somebody.
“And I also think that seeing a man stand up on social media and be open and vulnerable, I think, has a strength about it. And people see that I am talking about being sexually abused by another man who was 35 years old at that time, I was eight years old. I'm talking about that openly. And it's taken me 11 years to get to this point.”
Speaking about how more people could learn from him and navigate this stigma, Jeremy said, “I am not trying to tell men, that you must speak out, I'm saying, I got so much benefit from speaking out. It's incredible. And I want to provide options for people to do that if they wish to.
“When I go into the schools, I tell the assembly hall, please come to us if something is going on with you. Because they are underage. So the conversation is very different. Because we want those children and young teenagers to come to us if something's happening to them, because we can help them we can stop that thing from happening, we can get them out of that situation.”
