(Disclaimer: This article talks about anxiety, depression and suicide. If you recognise any of the below symptoms, it is important you seek professional help. Contact Samaritans at 116 123 or through e-mail at [email protected])
Every year 10th September is marked as the world suicide prevention day to raise awareness about the significance of mental health and well-being. The need to talk about depression and its adverse effects especially within the Asian community is more pronounced than ever this year in the wake of the coronavirus induced lockdown and loss.
Husbands have buried their wives without bidding a final goodbye. Daughters working and living overseas were informed of their parents passing away over video calls. Grandparents are isolated in a state of shock as they imagine their grand-daughters losing their husbands, living alone and slipping into depression. Yet, within the Asian community, there is an aversion in having “open conversations” around their mental health.
Religion and spirituality offer strength but cannot cure mental illness
“In the Sikh community, we are taught about “Chardi Kala” or keeping a positive mental attitude. They tell us that regardless of the ills happening, we must rise above it and remain calm. So, if you say you are depressed or mentally not well, many would think that you are not a true Sikh because Sikhs always battle against all odds and remain in high spirits.
“They would insist that people must visit the Gurdwaras for recitals and that religious path of devotion may provide strength. But, ultimately, if you’re sitting alone in a corner of the Gurdwara, you tend to slip into your own thoughts and it all builds up. Other people may let you be assuming that you are becoming more religious than ever. Religion and spirituality offer strength but if you are going through a mental illness then you need to seek professional help,” says Kalwinder Singh Dhindsa author of ‘My Father & The Lost Legend of Pear Tree’.
Kalwinder’s father, Mohinder ended his life by suicide in 2006 after a long spell of depression and three months after his brother had taken his own life. Back in the 90s when the Singh brothers had killed themselves, the mainstream belief around suicide remained that it was a selfish act. Asian families particularly failed to acknowledge the impact of emotional abuse on one’s mental well-being. Often enough there have been reports about women dying from suicide following years of living in abusive marriages, or with toxic families. While women are often perceived as fragile, Asian men on the contrary are expected to remain strong and show no weakness.
Are suicide deaths higher within the Asian community?
In 2019, the Office for National Statistics (ONS) reported that there were 5,691 suicides registered in England and Wales. About 75% (over 4,000) of these registered suicide deaths were among men, the highest in the last two decades since 2000. There is no clear bifurcation about the religious or ethnic background of these men. Until last year, the ONS did not record any suicide statistics by ethnicity as that information about a person is not recorded on his/her death certificate by a doctor. Neither is their information provided by a coroner about the cause and circumstances of the death. Thus, making it very difficult to analyse the gravity of mental health distress within the black, Asian and minority ethnic (BAME) community.
Bullying at school and workplaces
There are various reasons one decides to take such extreme measures. Alcohol and drug addictions, accelerated stress levels and healthy work cultures often contribute to these deaths. But recently men have started taking their lives after their families insisted that they conform to certain “sexual orientations” or “identities” as they bring shame to these families. If conversations fail to carve out a middle-ground then the youngsters often break away from their family and in the worst circumstances when forced to live “double lives” take up unforeseen and fatal decisions. But many have emerged resilient against “bullying” at schools and workplaces and converting their “broken heart into art”.
Arun Kapur is a freelance visual artist and poet based in Wolverhampton. He has recently produced a short feature film ‘Be Kind’ in his efforts of reaching out to the distressed.
“I turned to writing and film-making as a form of self-expression when I had a mental breakdown after my graduation. There were not many support networks within the Asian community in those days but did manage to seek professional help.
“I never really “fit in” at school or when I am working with other film-making groups in either the Bollywood and Hollywood industry. But I have made peace with the fact that I do not have to fit in. It is a difficult realisation but one should be happy with who they are as opposed to what other people want them to be. Take a walk, disengage from social media for a while, talk to people, and prioritise yourself over everyone else. Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional,” Arun says.
Lockdown has hampered not just those suffering from mental illnesses but also impacted charities and organisations working over-time on outreach programmes with crunched funding and limited staff. A second Covid-19 ahead of the bleak British winter season is likely to make things worse. In the face of such bleakness and cruelty, the bereaved wonder, “What is the point of it all, of living?”
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