Zeenat Ahmed Peto, a cognitive hypnotherapist for 11 years, has had a diverse career path. Prior to this role, she enjoyed a fulfilling career as a primary school teacher and served as a primary consultant for her borough, where she trained other teachers. Recently, she has launched a book titled 'Too Kind: A Guide for Sensitive Souls.' This book draws from a 10-year study, shedding light on how excessive kindness can impose additional pressures on an individual's well-being.
In an interview with Asian Voice, Zeenat elaborated on the central theme of her book, addressing the struggles faced by individuals from South Asian backgrounds as they navigate discussions on trauma and mental health. She highlighted the challenges of coping with the pressure to please others, emphasising the importance of breaking detrimental patterns that hinder emotional well-being.
What motivated you to pen the book 'Too Kind: A Guide for Sensitive Souls'?
In my 11 years as a hypnotherapist, I've noticed a common theme among my clients: a tendency to prioritise others' needs over their own. Despite facing diverse challenges, many were struggling with chronic pain and recurring issues due to neglecting their own well-being. This pattern of constantly trying to please others without considering their own needs was pervasive across different age groups and genders. Perhaps because I can relate to this behaviour, clients often chose to work with me, feeling understood and comfortable discussing their struggles.
Could you elaborate on the central message of your book and how individuals can reclaim their sense of self-worth and well-being through your guidance?
The core message of the book is that one doesn't need to be selfish or constantly put themselves first to prioritise self-care. It emphasises making subtle changes over time while still being kind and supportive to others. These incremental steps, though requiring discipline and mindset shifts, can significantly impact one's quality of life. The book aims to empower individuals who are excessively kind to the point where it hinders their own well-being, often leading to chronic health issues like autoimmune conditions or panic attacks. By gradually prioritising their own needs alongside caring for others, individuals can improve their self-esteem and overall sense of well-being.
While I'm not a scientist or doctor, my observations suggest a strong connection between mindset and well-being. Often, when individuals prioritise self-care and seek treatment, improvements in their mental and physical health follow. Our mind, body, and spirit are deeply interconnected, yet modern society tends to compartmentalise them. My holistic approach aims to align these aspects, as many clients express feeling disjointed or pulled in different directions. Being excessively kind can lead to physical and mental unwellness, as individuals may prioritise others' needs over their own, leading to internal conflict and imbalance.
How do individuals from South Asian backgrounds manage the dual challenges of addressing mental health issues, like trauma, while coping with the pressure to constantly please others?
I was born in London to parents of Indian and Bangladeshi heritage, and we belong to a Muslim family. Growing up, I was instilled with values of kindness and respect, deeply rooted in our cultural and religious traditions. Hospitality was a significant part of our upbringing, with our home always open to guests, relatives, and anyone in need. My parents, who immigrated to the UK in the 1960s, had established themselves in the community, often providing support and guidance to newcomers. Consequently, I learned the importance of giving and generosity from a young age. However, there was never a clear boundary on when to stop giving. Our home was a hub of diverse interactions, welcoming people from various backgrounds who sought assistance or simply companionship. This upbringing instilled in me a strong sense of compassion and generosity, but it also left me unaware of the need for balance in giving. This pattern resonates with many individuals from South Asian communities, where giving is highly valued, even to strangers passing by.
However, the lack of clear boundaries on giving can sometimes lead to challenges, even bordering on abuse. Historically, South Asian communities in the UK faced stereotypes of being passive and accommodating, which sometimes resulted in exploitation. It was the younger generations that began challenging these stereotypes, standing up against injustices and advocating for their rights.
What steps can be taken to break these patterns and hinder your mental emotional well being within these communities?
Starting conversations is key, especially in South Asian communities where certain topics are taboo. For many, it's difficult to broach these subjects directly with family due to fear of criticism or judgement. However, external catalysts like TV shows, articles, or interviews can serve as gentle prompts for discussion. These mediums provide a non-confrontational way to address issues and explore self-improvement. Self-love is essential, yet often overlooked. It's about recognizing the divine within ourselves and treating ourselves with the same kindness and compassion we offer others. In a world where self-doubt is prevalent, fostering self-acceptance is crucial. As a member of the South Asian community, I understand the importance of representation and relatability. Growing up, I lacked role models who looked like me, which made it challenging to feel represented. Now, I aim to bridge this gap by sharing my experiences and insights to empower others within our community.
