For the first time in recent years, there are now more children in need of adoption than those coming forward to adopt. Many people hold back from starting their adoption journeys because they’re waiting for the ‘perfect’ time or circumstances - but for a child in need of adoption, the perfect time is now.
New statistics show that for nearly half of the children (46%) in need of adoption, it now takes more than 18 months to find their forever home. This underscores how important it is for more prospective adopters to come forward and take that first step to provide a child with a stable, loving home.
We spoke to Satvinder about her adoption journey.
How can adoption provide a stable and loving home for children in need, and what are the emotional rewards for adoptive parents?
Adopting our son was the best thing we’ve ever done. We know how many children there need adoption, and the ability to provide a loving and stable for a child who needs it is incredibly rewarding.
When going through the adoption process, we were quickly matched with our son, Arran, and soon found ourselves calling around friends and family asking for any hand-me-downs or bits of equipment that could help us out. Luckily, my brother came to the rescue, and we soon had a car piled full. We’ll never forget our first outing with Arran in the pram, strolling under the cherry blossom of a nearby park and taking in every moment with our new baby boy. That moment was so special and just the start of our incredible adventure as a family of three.
Before our son came into our lives, we didn’t know anything was missing. The car is now definitely much louder than it was before, but that’s the best sign. Now we can’t imagine him not being the DJ in the front seat, singing songs together…it makes the whole journey a lot more fun. It’s so rewarding watching him grow and to be providing him with the home he needs to thrive.
If I was to advise people thinking about adopting a child, I’d say that while the path may not always be smooth, the rewards of giving a child a loving, stable home are unparalleled. All you need to do is take that first step. I did, and now I can’t imagine a life without him.
How can adoption strengthen a couple's relationship and promote a sense of shared purpose and unity?
When going through the adoption process, your social workers want to find out lots about you, to get to know you and get the best match for you. While we initially feared the social worker’s questions might feel intrusive, we enjoyed this part of the process, recognising that self-reflection was a way to build a solid foundation from which to start a family. Our social worker was particularly supportive throughout this, finding the perfect balance between thoroughness and empathy. We also weirdly enjoyed facing the panel, especially when we realised that everybody in the room wanted to say yes!
As a couple, it also brought us much closer together. We learned a lot about each other, the way we wanted to parent, and talked more about our past – it strengthened our relationship. We found this journey helped us understand ourselves and ultimately become better parents.
What are some of the long-term positive impacts on society when more families choose to adopt children?
There are children all over the country who need a lifelong family. There are so many ways adoption helps society, but from our experience, giving a child a loving home to thrive in, with the tools to do so, is just wonderful. Our son is doing well at school and has a list of dream jobs he wants to do when he grows up… telling us he mostly just wants to help people, which makes us so proud. We know he’ll go on to make his mark on the world. Being able to give him the chance to reach his full potential is just wonderful.
Why do societal norms often stigmatise couples who choose not to have biological children, and how can this stigma be challenged?
While we initially went down the IVF route, we eventually decided to close that door and try adoption. We were so lucky to have the support from our friends, family, and incredible adoption agency, who encouraged us along the way and were there to talk about any of our worries or concerns. Now, we cannot imagine our lives unfolding any other way. We’ve seen that families come in all shapes and sizes – and now more than ever, there is so much diversity in family makeup. Biology doesn’t make a family – love does.
This is why campaigns, like You Can Adopt, are so important, showing that there are many different ways to have a family, the incredible rewards that adopting a child can bring to parents, and most importantly, the impact it can have on their lives.
How can society better support and validate the decision of individuals and couples who choose to adopt instead of having biological children?
We have formed some great new friendships with other families along the way who continue to be a great support to us. Although being friends with other families who have been through the adoption process is brilliant, we also rely on close friends and family with children for the ‘Is this normal?’ moments. Recently, we reached out to social services for some support for the first time, seeking guidance on Arran’s behaviour whose emotions have changed since turning 7. We were so grateful for the efficient response we received over the phone and have since been signposted to the relevant support services. Our son’s school has also been amazing, providing us with tons of guidance and support.
I would encourage anyone who’s thinking about adopting to just go for it. If you’re worried about the lack of support, we’ve been supported so well all the way through, from social services, his school, family, and other adoptive parents who we can share experiences and advice with. It’s the best thing we’ve ever done.
What role does cultural background play in the perception of adoption versus having biological children, and how can cross-cultural understanding help in reducing the taboo?
Our cultural backgrounds shape us, but they do not have to define us. For me, it was not important to adopt a child from a similar ethnicity but instead to help Arran understand his heritage and build his identity around his individual story.
I know it can take children from certain cultural backgrounds longer than others to find adoptive families. This is why I’m encouraging adopters from all backgrounds to come forward and find out more about starting their adoption journey.
To find out more about starting your adoption journey, visit youcanadopt.co.uk
