“I heard Ammu’s heartbeat even before I saw her face. I knew her voice and recognised her laughter even before she held me in her arms. Our deep bond began unseen by others, in the womb, and is the anchor of my life. This book celebrates the relationship between mother and daughter. It is a homage to my mother, who I call Ammu, writes Asma Khan in a moving dedication to her mother in her book titled ‘Ammu’.
In Ammu, Asma shares the dishes that have nourished her life and family, with over 100 recipes to bring warmth and joy to your kitchen, whatever the occasion. In Ammu, Asma shares the dishes that have nourished her life and family, with over 100 recipes to bring warmth and joy to your kitchen, whatever the occasion.
In an interview with Asian Voice, Asma Khan, Founder Darjeeling Express shared the stories behind the making of ‘Ammu.
How did you conceive the idea of Ammu?
I think that this deserves a relationship that you almost take for granted that you expect that your mother will be there throughout. And unfortunately, I watched the sorrow and the suffering of very close friends, many of them who lost, sadly, their parents over this Covid in India and in this country to so suddenly it hit home very hard that, you know, this is not a relationship that you take for granted that you need to celebrate it, you need to leave a legacy of this incredible bond that so many of us have with our mothers.
I think I always wanted to write about this relationship. And also the fact that she taught me how to cook, also the unspoken story, her story of what it was to be a middle daughter, and one of five daughters.
And my grandmother lamented not having a son her whole life. And I think a lot of the pressure for my mother to make sure that she didn't end up with five daughters, which is what exactly everyone said to her when I was born, oh, you're going to be just like your mother, we're going to have five girls in this family. And how hurtful that must have been for her and all that, that she's been through. I wanted to write the book in her lifetime.
But when all of this happened, and was all the suffering of my friends and seen what Covid was doing, and also I did couldn't go home for two years, I saw my mother last in 2019. And then, I had to wait till now to be able to go and see her. So that fear of separation, combined with a complete closure of my business, the lockdown, the debilitating restrictions, the huge debt, I had this time to be alone, where I didn't have to work. There was silence around me. It also gave me that moment to think of what is the most important part of me. What is it that made me and it is not London? It is not, you know, any superstar coming to my restaurant, it is not Netflix. That's why I wrote the book.
The earliest memories of Asian girls of cooking are mostly sitting on the kitchen counters, watching the women of the house cook. What is yours?
It looks exactly the same with so many Asian girls. But the operative word is girls. It was always girls in the kitchen, never boys. And this is something I have raised many times that all the men who are cooking who are on my television who are chefs in the East and in the West, learn to cook in culinary school. They learned they got their training in five-star hotels, everyone's CV is almost identical. Just the name of the institute. And the five-star hotel is different. But they learned through that. I think there's something beautiful in learning with your entire senses, including sneezing with the chalk, because that is part of how it is in our DNA. It is so close to us. And so you know, I didn't know when I, when I came to this country. I didn't know how to cook.
But actually, I did, because when I went back, and a more tried to teach me how to cook I knew I somehow could do everything because somewhere inside me, this is part of memory. It is part of oral history.
So actually this thing that we sat in the kitchen, we are the real custodians of our culture, the girls and the women, we are unfortunately on the fringes when it comes to actually present our food. I think that home food, home cooking home cooks are really truly the real connoisseurs, we are the experts. This book I hope will kind of take away some of the mystery of Indian cooking. I am taking them into that through this window of my book. I'm making them sit in my mother's kitchen.
Many vegetarian women in the past and even now have been known to cook meat for their families with a lot of precision and usage of sill-batta. What is your take?
I love this about our culture. This shows how big our heart is. In India, today people use food to divide people. But when you go into families, you see that you know personal choices might be something I may disapprove of something that you want to eat, but I will make it what is the greater love and respect of someone else, that I will cook for you something that I will not eat myself, but I will watch you eat it, I will make it this generosity of spirit, this large-hearted hospitality. Whichever home you went to, you never left, you know without eating or drinking something, they were never going to leave you with a cup of tea, or just like that, they will definitely give you something even if it's just a biscuit, but they will not let you just go like that. This is the core of our culture. And we should be proud of this. And for those people who use food to divide people to increase hatred, to show that people are different, really are doing such a disservice because they are taking away the stories the taking away the joy of food for so many purely for politics. Right?
How did your Ammu react to the book and what is her emotion about your stupendous success as an entrepreneur?
She is very emotional, I was able to get a book to her when I went to see her in India recently. She was also very stunned because all her children's childhood pictures came out. I got an uncle to develop these old black and white negatives that are lying in my Nana's cupboard. We used them digitally to kind of recreate those pictures. And she's so proud. I think after the initial shock, she really treated me equally to my brother to my sister, my brother was born three and a half years later, I think that she by teaching me how to cook has given me the best of herself. I am in some ways, everything because of her. So you know what greater honour, I could do a book for her and I could tell her how much he meant to me because I understand words are important. You know, she silently fed me but didn't tell me she loved me. I have written to her in it's like a love letter, this whole book that she mattered to me so much in the language of written but also through recipes. I wouldn't have been able to write this book. If she wasn't there. I think I wouldn't have been able to just put anything down.
