In a new book, ‘Learning to Love: Arranged Marriages and the British Indian Diaspora’, Dr Raksha Pande, Senior Lecturer in Newcastle University's School of Geography, Politics and Sociology, discusses how instead of being wedded to traditions, many British Indians have adapted many of the cultural norms surrounding arranged marriage.
The book moves beyond stereotypes that often confuse arranged marriages with forced marriages. Using real life stories of marriages among British Indians, it shows the diversity of arrangements and the ways in which arranged marriages have changed between generations.
The research highlights two styles of arranged marriage that lie between these two extremes and that appear to be more common in practice.
The first of these can be understood as ‘semi-arranged’, where parents who wish to help their child find a potential partner will introduce them to several candidates that they think may be a suitable match. The relationship then follows an established Westernised pattern of the couple going on dates to get to know each other better and if they fall in love, then getting married.
The other is what she calls ‘love-cum-arranged marriage’ where the person wanting to get married finds someone themselves that they like and will go on dates with them to get to know them before asking their parents to approach the parents of that person in order to arrange a formal introduction. This is then followed by family approved courtship, then marriage.
Through discussions with different generations of British Indians, Dr Pande found that attitudes towards arranged marriages began to noticeably shift for the British-born generations. “Among the first generation of British Indians, transnational arranged marriages were the norm - where they would go back to India to find a partner and there was still an expectation that their children would follow this traditional style of arranged marriage,” she said. “But there was a marked shift in the attitude of the British-born second generation, this group began to want something different for their own children. And we are moving towards a situation where now, some British Indian parents are actually surprised when their child asks them to introduce them to someone, so a lot has changed in three generations.”
In both semi-arranged and love-cum-arranged marriages, Dr Pande’s research highlighted that the person getting married is actively involved in the arranged marriage decisions. The fact that both these forms still involve marriage within the same religion and class is what makes them arranged marriages.
