Due to Covid-19 restrictions, Branden Samuel from Sydney had to photograph a couple as they waved at the groom’s elderly grandparents who greeted him from a wheelchair and hospital bed through the grass doors of a nursing home on the day of his wedding. Christine, the bride, decided to give a heartfelt yet heart-breaking surprise to Peter, the groom. In Chinese and other eastern and southeast Asian societies a red envelope is given as a monetary gift during holidays or special occasions such as weddings, graduations, or the birth of a baby. “His grandpa had dressed up in a suit to see his grandson on his wedding day. Grandma had her special Ang Pow (red pocket) and it was passed underneath the glass doors,” Branden said on his Facebook post. Peter’s grandfather said a little prayer which they couldn’t hear on the other side, but it became an emotional and fulfilling moment for the couple. Samuel also rightly mentioned how in Asian culture, grandparents are the ones who not only unconditionally love their grandkids but also babysit them whilst parents go off to work. The Daily Mail described this care home wedding surprise as “a stark reminder of the personal sacrifices people make during the ongoing global health crisis”.
The Asian community in the UK too has a heart-warming story of a wedding at a care home.
“We called the ambulance and he never came home,” said Ameet Jogia, Conservative Councillor for Canons Ward, Harrow, as he spoke to Asian Voice about how sending his parents to a care home proved to be a wise decision for the family amid the tragic loss and emotional crisis.
Ameet’s father died last year after a long battle with cancer. According to Ameet, his father was at the hospital and got paralysed overnight. He said, “He stayed in the hospital for six months. They said that the cancer was terminal. We were traumatised because his entire lower half of the body was paralysed. We lived in a council flat with no lifts. We physically couldn’t get him in. Which is why we went for a care home.
“I’d never thought that I’d put them in a care home, and I felt dutybound to provide for my parents. I’m the only child. We couldn’t stay in the hospital and he couldn’t come home. So, we realised that a care home was the best place. They provide medical care 24 hours a day and offer open spaces like a garden which wasn’t going to be possible at home where we would have to physically carry him down the stairs.”
Around the same time, Ameet was supposed to get married, but marrying in a larger setup was not on his mind. He got married in the presence of his father at the care home. “He couldn’t go out so that’s why we wanted to marry in his presence. We had the public reception outside after the wedding because we could not invite many people to the care home. It was just our immediate family,” he added.
In an unforeseen and tragic series of developments, after the demise of his father in May 2019, his mother was diagnosed with mouth cancer. Ameet said, “My mum was diagnosed with cancer, literally a month after that. And she passed away within six months. My dad was gone. My wife was pregnant. So my mother decided to go to the care home because she said her friends were there.”
Ameet said that her reason to voluntarily live at the care home was that she did not want to be a burden on him. She felt more relaxed when she was at the care home. “I physically couldn’t look after them. The facilities at the care home is better than what I could provide. We didn’t have those medical facilities at home. Even food-wise, the care home was like a five star hotel with proper nutrition. Having more people around there was more energising for them than at home with the same two people.”
While his decision to put his parents under the best care relieved them of their pain in an environment that they preferred, Ameet’s decision leaves no room for old school stigma within Asian families who are averse to sending parents to care homes.
Talking about how his mother spent her last few days receiving better care at the Karuna Manor, he said, “She had her daily activities. Her yoga, her walking, her friends and then she passed away in the same care home in the same room where my father breathed his last. It was quite tragic but in many ways a happy ending.”
