Did you see the parents of British Pakistani boxer Amir Khan on TV? Or his wife? Both were arguing their values are the right ones. The hatred and animosity has boiled over to UK TV, Pakistani TV and very much in the public eye.
This comes as British Pakistani Minister for Communities says we should have an oath of allegiance to the UK. And as a Pakistani in Germany commits an act of terror.
The boxer’s mother’s case is that we only asked our daughter in law to wear a ‘duppata’ to cover her head and she was taught by her mother in law in the 1970s when she got married how to dress and she is only treating her son’s wife as her daughter. And the father in law’s case is that it hurts him and the family that the disgusting comments his daughter in law receives on social media.
The daughter in law’s case is that she is being told rudely and without any respect how to behave, dress and it all goes completely contrary to who she is and makes her feel hated.
Some thoughts on what this means for British Indians too.
It doesn’t help to say, ‘I blame the parents for being old fashioned’; ‘I blame the wife for being too modern for the family’; ‘I blame the son’. Gets you nowhere. Equally either side being rude to the other and analysing who shouldn’t have been rude first is circular and pointless to analyse. The problem is bigger.
A daughter in law does not want to be a daughter in the new house. My god, I don’t want to be a son in my in-laws house – I want to be a son-in-law – I get treated far better I reckon – like a spoilt King – love it. So please don’t use the ‘I am speaking to you as I would my daughter’ – treat them as they are – a new guest – I bet you treat guests a lot better than your daughter.
Your ‘honour’ is not damaged by social media and ‘communities’ saying things about your daughter in law. It is damaged when you listen to those people. Show the courage your son does when in the boxing ring. Be the change for right, not, a sheep.
You live in Britain. The individual has culturally rights and ways of thinking which is right for Britain and you live in Britain. Yes integration is individual rights on dress. I agree, every house in the UK on a Friday night has a British parent saying to a child ‘you’re not going out dressed like that’ – but the difference is they do not say that to the husband’s wife!
I cannot call Amir Khan a mother’s boy unable to stand up to his parents and put them straight on not interfering in his marriage. The guy is clearly a brave individual and I admire him as a professionally.
Little India, little Pakistan in Britain will work up to the point that individuals are paramount, not family, social, community rights. That is British heritage. If you don’t like it…expect grief…destroy the marriages of your children.
Respect works both ways and in Britain, age and parent only gives you so much of a green card to do and say what you want. We poke fun at the Queen – you think parents get spared. So ensure respect feeds downwards too.
Daughters in law don’t care what your mother in law did to you. In Britain women are not unequal to men. Sons – better train up the folks to watch more Eastenders and Emmerdale and less Indian Soaps I think!
