It has been a year since the first tweet instigating the monumental #MeToo was fired. In the last 365 days the campaign has spread like wildfire, scorching some of the most powerful men on its way over. India's #MeToo arrived last month. As late as it came, women have been coming out in scores, dragging the likes of Union Minister MJ Akbar, director Sajid Khan, singer Kailash Kher, and others in the forefront of their respective industries. Indian social media is cluttered with stories of survivors sharing their stories, and each time a person is accused of harassment, I wince. The mere realisation that all the men, who have been blamed of treating women like nothing more than dirt stuck to their shoes, hold so much power in their potential industries makes me feel sick in my stomach.
While it is no secret that men of repute have for generations abused their place in the world, our society has somehow adapted, or may be even promoted their actions, finding some or the other excuse to justify them. All of this seems to be on the brink of change currently, as women now refuse to be silenced.
As social media suffocates with stories and reports of sexual abuse, harassment, or assault, I have come to notice men, NOT ALL MEN, but men, complain about the movement coming in the way of their social interactions with the opposite gender. Men claim to have “grown to be wary or scared” of approaching a woman now, lest his advances are mistaken for mistreatment. A delightfully ignorant piece by a certain Mr Nirpal Singh Dhaliwal in The Sunday Telegraph rants on a male's insight on the ongoing #MeToo movement and how times have become difficult for men.
“But from the very start of the #MeToo campaign, one glaring result has been- and continues to be- the sense of threat many men now feel,” he writes. THE SENSE OF THREAT MANY MEN NOW FEEL. It took a couple of minutes for the words to sink in. I wish Mr Dhaliwal knew that the sense of threat that the men feel NOW is what women across the globe, disregards their origin, culture, or religion, are BORN feeling. Never in my life have I known a woman who has been carefree in her interactions with men. The possibilities of being raped, molested, drugged, or if possible, anything worse than these, loom on us and to this day is our Sword of Damocles. The “sense of threat” Mr Dhaliwal so speaks of, is much, much worse for us.
He continues to talk about a “thirty-something, brilliant, handsome star in his industry” too scared now to “close the deal” and about “male withdrawal from women, many choosing the uncomplicated release of pornography that often leads to compulsive isolation”. I feel the British journalist needs a little session on the difference between philandering and abuse.
Consent is key
As tiny as the word 'Yes' is, it determines the difference between sex and rape. Philandering is a consensual act and contrary to popular belief, is not limited to the male gender. As vile as I believe boasting about ones sexual conquests is, Dhaliwal's “thirty-something, brilliant, handsome man”, who used to boast about the “three beautiful women” he was juggling, and now stays “rigid and silent, as if under sniper fire”, has nothing to be scared of as long as the women he is taking over have reciprocated positively to his urges.
Unfortunately, Dhaliwal's isn't the only opinion on the world wide web, that cries foul for males. Even President Donald 'Grab Her By The Pussy' Trump has called this a “very scary time for the young men in America”. Why women coming out with their stories of abuse and calling out abusers, scaring other men is beyond my comprehension.
The truth is, a man who is not guilty of having ever said anything remotely sexually inappropriate- intentionally or unintentionally, is rare, maybe even non-existent. For centuries, we have been dismissing “locker-room talk” as just “boys being boys” but for the first time, women are calling men out for who they are. I agree it must be scary. Scary for men, who have fostered or indulged in such behaviour.
So men like Dhaliwal, and Trump, are pushing back. Playing the victim card, if I may. After all, isn't a woman who dares to voice injustice accused of doing so?
Genitals are a man's privilege
As a feminist, I hate people misinterpreting the term. There have been many instances where I have aggressively defended feminism, my exasperation revealing itself as I fail to explain what the word really means. As part of a gender group that has taken the back seat, us females have only ever wanted an equal place in the society. We just want equal rights.
What if, women don't have to think twice before leaving the house after 7 pm? What if, women get paid just as much as their male peers? What if, cradling a drink in the club does not have to literally feel like a life or death situation? What if... What if... What if..
Dhaliwal's whine-fest has him write, “I don't pretend to be a feminist. My genital configuration is the closest thing I have to privilege, and I'm very wary of losing that.” I won't lie, I snort-laughed at this sentence as it depicts the most typical male mentality. These men, who today pout and pine on the corruption caused by the #MeToo movement to their gender, know for a fact that they are highly entitled. Just like abusers like Harvey Weinstein and Nana Patekar, veterans in the industry, felt entitled to sexually exploit women. They knew, their “genital configuration” is the biggest “privilege” they have been blessed with, and nothing could stop them from acting the way they pleased. Until now.
