Meera Dalal, 25, took her own life after suffering physical and emotional abuse at the hands of an ex-boyfriend in 2016. Her mother Daksha Dalal has written a book that explores what happened to her daughter, and sheds light on domestic violence, psychological abuse, depression, loss, and suicide awareness. The book is co-authored with human rights advocate and domestic abuse campaigner Saurav Dutt. ‘Fall in Light: A Mother's Story’ was released on International Women's Day. Part proceeds will go towards organisations that provide education around suicide prevention and mental wellbeing.
In an exclusive interview with Asian Voice, Daksha Dalal and Saurav Dutt shed some light on this initiative to publish the story of Ms Dalal. Here are few excerpts:
What is the most important advice you'd like to give to families and girls?
Daksha: I wouldn't want anyone to be in the position I am in. The first and foremost advice I'd like to give is to please ask for help. Whether that is from friends and family or trained professionals. There are lots of organisations you can contact, such as Women's Aid and Refuge. You are never alone.
Can you please emphasise further for our readers, as to why we need to be more open to talking about mental health?
Daksha: There is a very famous saying that "a problem shared is a problem halved". The only way we can identify mental health concerns and get appropriate help is to openly talk about the issues. There is so much help out there but you or your family must reach out if there is a concern. We need to talk about our issues openly and put a mirror up against our flaws as a community. Forget about the stigma, we cannot and must not let another mother, father, sister, brother or friend go through the heartbreak of losing someone for fear of "what society would think".
In public perception, most abusers are often men. Do you think we are raising our boys and men right?
Daksha: Domestic violence does not discriminate between gender and men and women can be the abuser as well as the abused. There are bad apples in all societies and cultures. I do think that in the Asian culture, men are typically expected to suppress their feelings and to have that tough "macho man" image. Men that are taught to have that attitude in life don't like it when they lose control but also tend to have a higher resistance to seek help and talk about their feelings. This can lead to mental health issues and domestic violence concerns. We should be teaching our boys to talk about their feelings and actively teaching gender equality and love and respect for each other. I don't think we as a society talk enough about our feelings for fear of stigma and familial pressures.
As a human rights advocate and domestic abuse campaigner, and most imperatively - being a man, what is your immediate perspective or approach towards liaising with mothers like Mrs Dalal who want to spread awareness?
Saurav: I felt a sense of enablement and empowerment in providing the comfort, the security, and in promoting a sense of strength in Mrs Dalal. If Mrs Dalal’s efforts mean that someone else out there feels courageous enough to share their story and to help others then that was exactly what we were looking for. As a man of course it’s vital to be the conduit by which a strong woman can find the words and the meaning behind all that pain; my job is as a messenger and to convince Mrs Dalal that together we could stay the course and that there really was a larger mission beyond this book.
As someone who has chronicled accounts of over 200 domestic abuse survivors, at which step do you think women need to be helped?
Saurav: Have strength. Seek support from agencies near you, confide in family members. Create a safety plan and get out. Ensure the police are contacted and please follow through with your complaints. Go to court. Stand strong. Request a restraining order. This time is going to be one of the most trying times you will endure. This time is also about you and only you. You need to look after yourself, eat well and remain as healthy as possible. Once you're out - don't go back. It gets worse each time.
What according to you, we as a community need to practice, to be able to help our women who may be under emotional turmoil due to domestic abuse?
Saurav: As a community we must take it seriously in all its forms, particularly the psychological side that can impact mental wellness to the point that an individual, like Meera, takes their own life. It is astonishing that Mrs Dalal was criticised by a minority for bringing these issues to light, as if she was somehow shaming her family and community. There are times where we also have to think less like parents and more like the police, think in terms of evidence gathering, be prepared for our brainwashed children to hate us as we protect their life and liberty.
