*Ananya, a Punjabi by birth and her husband of English origins have been married and in the UK for the last few years now. How did they meet? Originally from India, Ananya was here to pursue her academic career and as the tale goes, fell in love with the boy-next-door. But like many other cultures, inter-faith marriages even in the Punjabi and Sikh community bring with them challenges at cultural, religious and even societal levels.
How is the generational gap bridged between the older members of the family with staunch beliefs and amalgamated with the liberal value system of the working youth?
For Ananya, marrying a white guy was not a laborious task. Boy flies down to India, meets her parents as a friend and gradually approved and accepted as the son-in-law. Classic “Two States” affair one would imagine.
“My family earlier wanted me to get into an arranged marriage but eventually they came around to the realisation that this is it and to be honest the priest was very welcoming as well. We married following the traditional Anand Karaj customs and ever since we have been in the UK.”
But what kind of cultural influence has this had on raising children especially when it comes to teaching mythological sermons, religious customs and celebrating festivals?
“Neither of us are particularly religious ourselves so these are no issues for us! Yes, when it came down to naming my children it was a contentious issue because practicality of the situation meant to have a generic name where they couldn't be placed by the religion.”
But it is the sentimental side of her who wanted to keep part of her Punjabi heritage and pass it down to her kids. Her husband supported her and today while the mythology is not strictly ingrained into their childhood, Ananya at least tries to converse and teach Punjabi to her older kid.
Partition and the aftershocks
Ananya's story is a simplified and perhaps a smoother anecdote of interfaith marriages. With virtually no opposition either from the community or the family, the acceptance to multi-cultural identities and adaptibility is an easier process. But the same cannot be said for the rest of the Sikh community where youngsters practically feel the need to hide the details of their dating life from their parents knowing of their dislike to people of different communities especially Muslims.
“Growing up I was warned against Muslim guys. My mom always believes that Muslims cannot be trusted and they will distance me from my family and so she has given me this liberty of dating anyone outside the community, but not Muslims!” said *Simranjeet who currently works as a freelance PR consultant.
Inter-faith marriages
Simranjeet's ancestors hail from undivided India and the years of partition not only saw the untimely demise of her forefathers but left scars which the family carries forward even after they migrated to the UK a decade ago. Simranjeet's story is similar tale that many young couples seek advise about on Inter-faith shaadi (Inter-faith wedding).
Amin created this website back in 2009 after moving to the US from Gujarat, India and observed the pressures of cross-cultural and inter-religious dating. And apparently, the WordPress blog has already helped close to 1200 youngsters who face the pressures of being boxed up in the community. And in a way forums of this kind are healthy platforms where matured adults discuss of ways to find a common ground between their wishes and addressing the insecurities of their family members carve out a balanced middle-ground.
*Tamanna has been dating her Gujarati boyfriend for close to six years now. The only time her boyfriend has ever visited the Gurudwara is at the demise of one of her relatives. Her parents are open and acceptable of her boyfriend who she has been working with for quite some time now.
“Everyone in the community knew that this is the person I am dating but I did not go out of the way to introduce him because the occasion did not warrant for it. My parents like him and as a traditionalist, I would want to be married following the Sikh customs.”
Anand Karaj and its significance
Anand Karaj is a Sikh marriage tradition that ideally takes in the Gurudwara between two people (Sikhs) who understand the significance of Anand Karaj. In 2016 a Sikh temple in Leamington Spa was occupied by 55 masked armed men, who were thought to be protesting an interfaith wedding between a Sikh and a Muslim. After an eight-hour stand-off the men were arrested and disarmed.
“But if the Anand Karaj cannot happen in the Gurudwara then we have given alternate options a thought as well. We may call a priest at home and hold a small ceremony among friends and families.” said Tanveer.
We may think that such customs are more strongly imposed upon ordinary, couples. But today even celebrities are not exempt from the scrutiny of religious institutions. The wedding between Deepika Padukone and Ranveer Singh has upset the Italian Sikh organisation who has alleged that the couple violated the code of conduct during their Anand Karaj by taking the Guru Granth Sahib out of the Gurudwara and to a private villa.
Whether it is receiving acceptance from the various family and community members or adapting to the inter-cultural identities and customs, inter-faith marriages bring their fair share of challenges that are only minimized today and not completely overcome.
